Dinner Conversation

Somehow the topic of conversation over dinner tonite was Daddy’s inability to wipe his behind clean.

This was a continuation of a onversation which had begun earlier when mom came out of the bathroom complaining that Daddy uses to much toilet paper and still has poopy (not the word she used) drawers. Wanting to be helpful at that point, I suggested Daddy take care of his own underwear.

Whereupon they both chimed in, “He does.”, she said ” I do!.”, he exclaimed.

“Then, I asked, “what’s the issue?”

“He should know how to do this by now.”, Mama replied.

“If he hasn’t learned it in all these years, he’s not going to learn it now”, I countered.

“Well, he should”, said Mama putting in the last word. I sighed and shook my head.

For some reason Daddy was the one who brought up the topic – I think to deflect Mama from whatever tirade she was on making him wrong, yet again. He said, “I read in the paper the other day about a machine that dispenses just 5 sheets of toilet paper at a time for people using public facilities.”

Mama quickly joined in with, “That’s too many. It only takes 3! You fold them one over the other.”

I said, “I think I use 4. I have a way I fold them. I’ve tried 3 before and that doesn’t work for me and 5 is too many. I tried that too.”

Since I wasn’t eating (it was about 3:30pm and I’d just had lunch around 1:30pm so wasn’t hungry. Mama had asked me to bring something down so I had hung around and took a seat while they fixed their plates) I went to the bathroom and took off four sheets to demonstrate my fold.

Mama said, “That’s too many. You only need 3.” and proceeded to tear one of the sheets off and demonstrate her fold. (Using the perforations, just fold the left or right over the middle and then the remaining flap over the middle.)

“That’s too small for me”, I said quickly. “That’s just right for your hand.”

“Right for anyone’s hand”, Mama retorted dryly.

“Your hand’s a lot smaller than mine!”, I exclaimed. “Besides”, I added, “once I wipe, I fold mine over, wipe again and continue folding and wiping until it’s too small. Sometimes, I even add water to make sure I get everything.”

Chuckling, Daddy said, “I think I’ll write a comment to the people who wrote that article and tell them about 5 is too many and suggest 3 or 4 sheets!!!” Then he broke out in racuous laughter. Once he stopped laughing, he smiled at me and said, “I’ll take that under advisement.”

Mama’s downstairs now baking a turkey now (my brother got it last November from his job). It’s been in the freezer and to unthaw it she used one of the 3 coolers – the plastic one – made a brine mixture and put the turkey in it. She’s also stirring up a recipe for Pineapple-Mango upside down cakes to be baked in 6 individual ramekin.

I don’t cook. I know how. I used to make elaborate dinners and invite family and friends. Mostly now, I don’t cook. I did help by peeling one of the pineapples. She didn’t like the way I was doing it, so she sliced the 2nd one and then peeled the slices!!! She’ll do that often. When she doesn’t like the way you’re doing something, she’ll say, “Move! Get out of the way.” and she takes over. Sometimes it gets on my nerves. Other times I’m, “OK!”

Filed under: Family & Children, Mama & Daddy